How to Build Confidence in Children: A Parent’s Guide to the Early Years

Every parent wants their child to feel confident. To have a go at something new, make friends, explore, ask for help and gradually find their own little place in the world. But confidence doesn’t suddenly appear one morning. And it certainly doesn’t mean being the loudest child in the room.

For little ones, confidence grows slowly through feeling safe, being loved and supported, trying things for themselves and discovering that it’s okay when things don’t quite go to plan.

If you’ve ever wondered how to build confidence in children, some of the most powerful things you can do are actually the simplest. Those everyday moments when you encourage them to have a go, give them time to work something out or offer a reassuring cuddle when they need one are all quietly helping their confidence grow.

And, just like everything else in the early years, every child will get there in their own way and at their own pace.

 

What Does Confidence Look Like in Young Children?

It’s easy to picture a confident child as the one who runs straight into a room, chats to everyone and volunteers to go first. But confidence can be much quieter than that.

It might be your toddler deciding to climb the steps at the park without holding your hand. It could be asking a nursery practitioner for help, joining another child’s game or finally having a go at an activity they’ve watched from the sidelines all week. For some children, simply taking one little step away from their trusted grown-ups to explore something new is a wonderful sign of growing confidence. 

Some children naturally throw themselves into new experiences, while others prefer to watch for a while and work things out before joining in. Neither approach is wrong. If you have a quieter little one, our guide Is It Normal for My Shy Toddler? explores why being shy or cautious doesn’t mean a child lacks confidence.

 

How to Build Confidence in Children Through Feeling Safe

Before children feel confident enough to explore the world, they need to know they have somewhere safe to return to. That security begins with their relationships.

When a child knows there is a trusted adult nearby to comfort them, encourage them and help when something feels too much, it gives them the confidence to venture a little further.

You might see this at the playground when your toddler runs off to explore, comes back for a quick cuddle and then heads straight off again. That little check-in is part of how they build independence.

For younger children, separation can understandably make this more difficult for a while. Our Separation Anxiety in Infants guide explains more about those early emotional bonds and why wanting to stay close to you is such a normal part of development.

 

Give Them Time to Have a Go

One of the loveliest, and occasionally most patience-testing, ways to build confidence is simply allowing children to try things themselves. Yes, you could probably put their shoes on in ten seconds.

Your toddler may take several minutes, put them on the wrong feet, take them off again and somehow lose a sock in the process.But look at everything happening while they try. They’re solving a problem, practising a physical skill, learning to persevere and discovering that they’re capable of doing things for themselves.

You don’t need to leave them struggling, of course. Be there to help when they need you, but where you can, give them that extra moment to work something out before stepping in. Our Activities to Promote Independence in Toddlers That You Can Try at Home has lots of simple ideas for creating more of these opportunities during everyday family life.

 

Celebrate the Trying, Not Just the Doing

When thinking about how to build confidence in children, it can be helpful to pay attention to what we praise. Imagine your child has spent ages trying to build a tower and it keeps tumbling over. Eventually, they manage to balance one more block.

Instead of only celebrating the finished tower, notice everything that got them there.

“You kept trying even when it fell down.”

“You worked really hard on that.”

“You did it all by yourself!”

It helps children understand that success isn’t about getting everything right immediately. Trying, practising and carrying on when something is difficult matter too. That’s where confidence and resilience begin to grow together.

 

Let Them Make Little Choices

Toddlers don’t need to decide the family’s weekend plans, but having some control over their own little world can do wonders for their confidence.

Would they like the blue cup or the green one? Which book should you read tonight? Do they want to wear the stripy top or the yellow one?

Small, manageable choices give children opportunities to think, decide and see that their opinions matter. They also help children become more independent without overwhelming them with too many options.

 

Give Them Plenty of Opportunities to Play

Play is one of the most natural ways children develop confidence. When children play, they make decisions, solve problems, test ideas and work out how to interact with other people. They can try something, get it completely wrong and simply try something else.

There’s no pressure to be perfect. A child playing independently might discover that they can entertain themselves without an adult directing the activity. A child playing alongside others begins to grow comfortable socially. Later, joining games and creating imaginary worlds together brings a whole new collection of skills.

Our guides to The 4 Types of Play in Child Development and Independent Play for Toddlers explore how these different experiences support children as they grow.

 

How Nursery Helps Children Build Confidence

Starting nursery can itself be a huge confidence-building experience.

For some children, it may be one of the first times they regularly spend time away from their parents. There are new people to trust, friendships to make, routines to learn and a whole environment waiting to be explored. That’s a lot when you’re little.

At Poppies, we don’t expect children to arrive on day one ready to throw themselves into everything. We give them time to get to know us, find the things that make them feel comfortable and gradually explore at their own pace.

At both our Tidworth Nursery and Perham Down Nursery, familiar routines and strong relationships with our practitioners help children develop that sense of security. From there, confidence can begin to blossom. It might start with choosing an activity without help. Then perhaps joining a group, making a friend, trying something new outside or proudly showing us something they’ve managed to do themselves.

 

Try Not to Compare Their Confidence With Someone Else’s

This one can be difficult. You see another child confidently chatting away at the playground while yours is tucked behind your legs, and it’s natural to wonder whether you should be encouraging them to join in.

But children have wonderfully different personalities. Some want to investigate a new environment immediately. Others would much rather watch from somewhere safe until they’ve decided what they think about it.

A child who needs ten minutes beside you before joining a group isn’t necessarily less confident than one who runs straight in. They may simply need more time to feel comfortable. Try to notice the progress your child is making rather than measuring it against somebody else’s.

Yesterday they watched. Today they moved a little closer. Next week they might join in. Those small steps count.

 

When Confidence Needs a Little Extra Support

There will naturally be times when your child needs more reassurance than usual. A new nursery, moving rooms, changes at home or simply going through a new developmental stage can temporarily knock their confidence. Usually, patience, encouragement and plenty of opportunities to practise are exactly what they need.

If you notice that your child is consistently very distressed in social situations, avoids interaction over a longer period or you simply have a feeling that they may need a little more support, talk to someone.  That might be your child’s nursery practitioner, health visitor or another professional who knows them. You don’t need to wait until something becomes a major worry before asking a question.

 

How to Build Confidence in Children: Let Them Grow at Their Own Pace

If there’s one thing we’d love parents to take away when thinking about how to build confidence in children, it’s that confidence doesn’t need to be rushed. You don’t need to make a shy child outgoing or persuade a cautious toddler to charge headfirst into every new experience.

Give them a safe place from which to explore. Let them try. Let them make little mistakes. Celebrate the effort. Be there when they need to come back for reassurance. Then give them another opportunity tomorrow.

At Poppies, we see those little moments every day at our Tidworth Nursery and Perham Down Nursery. A child who once held tightly onto a practitioner’s hand begins exploring independently. Someone who watched group activities from a distance starts joining in. A little one who always asked for help suddenly announces, very proudly, “I did it!”

Those moments might seem small to us, but to a young child they’re enormous.

Confidence grows quietly, one experience at a time. And sometimes the best thing we can do is give children the safety, encouragement and time they need to discover just how capable they already are.